A friend of Jennifer sent me this picture today. When I saw it my breath caught in my throat and I was just so excited. I had never seen it before and it is so beautiful and peaceful that it was like her saying "hello". Like she off site seeing or something. It has been two months today since she died. Just two small, short, months. They feel like the longest in my whole life. People go on vacations longer, yet some people expect you to have finished saying good bye to her by now. I will never be done saying goodbye. I will always think about her, miss her, remember her, love her, be mad about her dying, everything. I love to talk about her, about what I have learned through her dying, for what I hope to learn. I am changing, how I live every day is different. I want it to be this way because it makes me feel like her life had even more purpose, that I can learn from it like I did from so many other times from her being my big sister and always going before me. I still fully can't believe she is gone some days. My family still has a very long way to go in this healing process. I wish I felt like I had made some progress, but I feel like I have just nicked the surface. So thank you for all your prayers and please don't quit now, because even though things are returning to normal, it has only been two months, while I was her little sister for almost 25 years. This is going to take forever and the 'year of firsts' will be a constant reminder of her absence.
October 25, 2008
2 months.
A friend of Jennifer sent me this picture today. When I saw it my breath caught in my throat and I was just so excited. I had never seen it before and it is so beautiful and peaceful that it was like her saying "hello". Like she off site seeing or something. It has been two months today since she died. Just two small, short, months. They feel like the longest in my whole life. People go on vacations longer, yet some people expect you to have finished saying good bye to her by now. I will never be done saying goodbye. I will always think about her, miss her, remember her, love her, be mad about her dying, everything. I love to talk about her, about what I have learned through her dying, for what I hope to learn. I am changing, how I live every day is different. I want it to be this way because it makes me feel like her life had even more purpose, that I can learn from it like I did from so many other times from her being my big sister and always going before me. I still fully can't believe she is gone some days. My family still has a very long way to go in this healing process. I wish I felt like I had made some progress, but I feel like I have just nicked the surface. So thank you for all your prayers and please don't quit now, because even though things are returning to normal, it has only been two months, while I was her little sister for almost 25 years. This is going to take forever and the 'year of firsts' will be a constant reminder of her absence.
